[ This comes after he'd had time to talk to Daphne, and it still didn't answer all his questions. ]
hey, dick
i'm really sorry i didn't get back to you before now i was dead which, you knew but i'm feeling much better now, so like if you still want to do dinner, we can?
i can't really remember what's behind this though i guess something must've happened before i died, but that whole day is a total blur to me, so i don't know what wasn't okay. but i promise i'm not mad at you, i'm just sorry i kept you waiting for so long.
[ Outside the Dom apartments, he means. Gar will be there; he's less comfortable in the Up than the Down, but with Dick being a Dominant, he should be just fine. He makes sure Daphne knows where he's heading and with who, since after everything that's happened, that's important. ]
[It isn't long before he gets there either, wanting to see Gar and talk about this. Especially after facing the boy being dead. More than that, having died, and giving the conversation that led to this... He is just glad to see him.
And he's not sure he was able to hide the relief on his face either when he sees him. Trying to look casual even as he strides to where he is. ]
[ Gar looks up at him. Honestly, he feels kind of shaken. He doesn't really know how to deal with everything yet. His memory still feels furry, and he's internally prodding at it, wanting answers that he knows no one else has. ]
I'm...
I don't know. I don't know what happened to me, I don't know when I will. I guess I'm okay? Physically, anyway.
He doesn't know it yet, but even when he remembers, he's going to claim that he doesn't. He doesn't want anyone to hold anything against Thena, when he doesn't believe it's her fault.
But for now, he's as curious as they are. ]
Maybe. I mean, I guess we'll see.
I feel bad for taking so long to come back to you, though, I swear I wouldn't have ignored your messages like that.
Yeah, I know you wouldn't have ignored that. I know all I have to do is send a message and you'd be there.
[ He pauses a moment, thinking about his talk with Barry. He needs to say the things he never has. Like he wished Bruce had said to him. ]
You're one of the most amazing teammates I could ever have. I'm lucky to have you fighting at my side. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed more... all of the times I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry.
[ Gar looks up at him. He already thought this whole message thing was weird, and now he's getting worried. ]
It...look, Dick, I don't know what you're talking about. If it's about the whole jail thing, I mean, we already went though that, you don't need to say it again.
[ Dick shifts nervously from one foot to the next. Sliding his hands into his pockets, his arms hugged tightly at his side. ]
No, not about jail. Well, at least, not just about jail. It's about Trigon and what you did and how I just ignored that.
You were amazing and you did things I can't even imagine doing. Because I didn't. I gave in. You didn't, and it's because of you that the world survived and I never even told you that you did a good job, Gar.
Wait wait. Nothing like that. He's not here, and he's not a threat.
It's about me.
[ He sighs, shaking his head. ]
It's been brought to my attention that I nearly killed you and I didn't ever even say I'm sorry. I didn't thank you for saving us, and for not abandoning us after what I did to you.
I've treated you like Bruce always treated me, and I resent him for it. I can't imagine how it is you don't feel the same.
It's true. They'd all kind of moved on immediately from what happened. Gar had been upset with Dick for months, and they'd never really talked about it. Then it had gotten overtaken by all the other issues that came out after, everything about Jericho and what happened in the past.
He sighs. ]
I did. For a while, I was angry with you.
But I'm not now. We're a team, we're a family. I don't want anything to break that. It's okay, Dick. I promise.
[ Gar takes that in. He does not remember talking to Barry, and he can't imagine why he would've said anything about that. Something must have been going on for it to even come up. He makes a face, though. It wasn't something he had ever brought up to Dick or the others. It shouldn't have been something that he brought up to anyone else, without talking to them.
He looks away, closing his eyes. ]
I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that, but I'm sorry. I'm not holding a grudge anymore, I promise.
We're okay. But...thanks. For saying that. I'm glad I'm on your team.
[It shouldn't mean that much to him, but it does. That Gar trusts him, even though he's seen some of the worst that Dick is capable of.
He wonders if Gar had known Jericho personally if it would have changed things. They were close to the same age. Would he still see Dick the same if he had known him?
But that's a guilt that Dick bears, not one that Gar will ever hold against him. ]
I'm glad you do. I'm working on making sure that doesn't change.
[ And that he deserves it. He's really faced a lot since he's been there, and had to think about what he was doing to others. ]
I want us to be able to talk about things if they do go sideways, okay? I want you to feel you can come to me. We're a team and I don't want to lose that.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
un: shrike; text
Hey, Gar. Can we talk? Maybe meet somewhere? Dinner's on me?
I understand that things maybe aren't okay. I really want to talk about it though.
Realizing what I have, I get it. I think I really do. This place opens your eyes, you know? I really want to say these things to your face though.
I never told you how strong you are, or how proud of you I am. That's my mistake. I don't want to be like him.
I'm sorry.
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hey, dick
i'm really sorry i didn't get back to you before now
i was dead
which, you knew
but i'm feeling much better now, so like if you still want to do dinner, we can?
i can't really remember what's behind this though
i guess something must've happened before i died, but that whole day is a total blur to me, so
i don't know what wasn't okay. but i promise i'm not mad at you, i'm just sorry i kept you waiting for so long.
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Yeah, I knew. Least it was the only answer left. We didn't really get any notifications. Me or Daphne.
Of course. Do you want to talk about this over dinner?
Don't be sorry. You didn't do anything. Gar. Your death isn't your fault.
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you're okay, right?
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Maybe better than I've been in a while. This place, for a prison, is kind of freeing.
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sure, we can eat. tonight, if you want.
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Tonight's perfect. The sooner the better. I'll see you then.
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[ Outside the Dom apartments, he means. Gar will be there; he's less comfortable in the Up than the Down, but with Dick being a Dominant, he should be just fine. He makes sure Daphne knows where he's heading and with who, since after everything that's happened, that's important. ]
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[It isn't long before he gets there either, wanting to see Gar and talk about this. Especially after facing the boy being dead. More than that, having died, and giving the conversation that led to this... He is just glad to see him.
And he's not sure he was able to hide the relief on his face either when he sees him. Trying to look casual even as he strides to where he is. ]
Hey. How are you? Honestly, Gar. How are you?
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I'm...
I don't know. I don't know what happened to me, I don't know when I will. I guess I'm okay? Physically, anyway.
I'm sorry if I worried you.
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[ He understands why he is, gets it from Gar, but he also wants him to know that isn't anything he has to apologize for. ]
I don't even know all the details. Daphne and I pieced together what we could, but I suspect the way it goes you'll eventually be able to tell us.
But don't force it, okay? Maybe it's one of the few things they do right to try and help people cope with trauma.
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He doesn't know it yet, but even when he remembers, he's going to claim that he doesn't. He doesn't want anyone to hold anything against Thena, when he doesn't believe it's her fault.
But for now, he's as curious as they are. ]
Maybe. I mean, I guess we'll see.
I feel bad for taking so long to come back to you, though, I swear I wouldn't have ignored your messages like that.
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[ He pauses a moment, thinking about his talk with Barry. He needs to say the things he never has. Like he wished Bruce had said to him. ]
You're one of the most amazing teammates I could ever have. I'm lucky to have you fighting at my side. I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed more... all of the times I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry.
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It...look, Dick, I don't know what you're talking about. If it's about the whole jail thing, I mean, we already went though that, you don't need to say it again.
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No, not about jail. Well, at least, not just about jail. It's about Trigon and what you did and how I just ignored that.
You were amazing and you did things I can't even imagine doing. Because I didn't. I gave in. You didn't, and it's because of you that the world survived and I never even told you that you did a good job, Gar.
But you did. You did an amazing job.
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Then, as he keeps talking, Gar gets a chill. Surely he can't be talking about- ]
Is this about Trigon?
You didn't--
What's bringing that up now?
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It's about me.
[ He sighs, shaking his head. ]
It's been brought to my attention that I nearly killed you and I didn't ever even say I'm sorry. I didn't thank you for saving us, and for not abandoning us after what I did to you.
I've treated you like Bruce always treated me, and I resent him for it. I can't imagine how it is you don't feel the same.
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It's true. They'd all kind of moved on immediately from what happened. Gar had been upset with Dick for months, and they'd never really talked about it. Then it had gotten overtaken by all the other issues that came out after, everything about Jericho and what happened in the past.
He sighs. ]
I did. For a while, I was angry with you.
But I'm not now. We're a team, we're a family. I don't want anything to break that. It's okay, Dick. I promise.
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Trust me. I'm not proud of myself.
[ Not that he ever has been but its something he's worked hard to hide for a long time. From everyone, not that he's good at it. ]
We are a team, and that's why you deserve to be told how good a job you've done. That I'm proud of you.
And I'm lucky to have you on my team.
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[ Gar takes that in. He does not remember talking to Barry, and he can't imagine why he would've said anything about that. Something must have been going on for it to even come up. He makes a face, though. It wasn't something he had ever brought up to Dick or the others. It shouldn't have been something that he brought up to anyone else, without talking to them.
He looks away, closing his eyes. ]
I'm sorry. I don't know why I did that, but I'm sorry. I'm not holding a grudge anymore, I promise.
We're okay. But...thanks. For saying that. I'm glad I'm on your team.
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[ It's not easy for him, not sure how to say this or what ways he's meant to say to make things right, but he knows he wants to. ]
I'm glad you don't. I just... I'm trying to do better about things with my team, Gar. I don't want to push things until you do resent me.
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It must've been the same day he died, it's the only thing that makes sense. His memories before that are in tact.
He frowns, watching Dick. ]
That's....I mean, yeah, I know that. Things have been a lot different since those first few months. Things are different now.
I trust you.
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He wonders if Gar had known Jericho personally if it would have changed things. They were close to the same age. Would he still see Dick the same if he had known him?
But that's a guilt that Dick bears, not one that Gar will ever hold against him. ]
I'm glad you do. I'm working on making sure that doesn't change.
[ And that he deserves it. He's really faced a lot since he's been there, and had to think about what he was doing to others. ]
I want us to be able to talk about things if they do go sideways, okay? I want you to feel you can come to me. We're a team and I don't want to lose that.